Almost 10 Types of Readers You’ll Meet on Goodreads

1. The Vibe Reviewer (hey, it’s us!)
Gives 5 stars if the cover was cute, the font was legible, and the main character had a dog.
Did they finish the book? Maybe. Did they have fun? Absolutely.

“I don’t know what just happened, but I loved the energy.”

2. The Lit Major
This review comes with MLA citations, a historical context breakdown, and a 3-paragraph analysis of the symbolism of fog.

“In many ways, the fog is the antagonist.”

3. The One-Star Fury
They were personally victimized by this book. And they want you to know it.
May include threats, typos, and 46 gifs of people flipping tables.

“THIS BOOK IS TRASH AND SO AM I FOR READING IT.”

4. The Spoiler Bandit
Says “spoilers ahead” and then offers zero protection.
Sometimes hides them behind tags that don’t work. Sometimes just raw-dogs a twist from Chapter 29 like it’s common knowledge.

“Anyway, after they DIED—oops!”

5. The "Just the Facts" Reviewer
No emotion. No flair. Just bullet points and logistical analysis like they're writing for Consumer Reports.

“Pacing: 3/5. Dialogue: 4/5. Plot originality: 2.5/5. Would recommend to: coworkers.”

6. The GIF Wizard
Every emotion is a reaction image. Their review is a mood board. You're not sure if they liked the book but you've now seen 17 Chris Evans GIFs.

[Insert dramatic gif of someone sobbing into a pie]

7. The Series Historian
Knows everything about the world, the author’s intentions, and the prequel that was only released in Estonia.

“This minor plot inconsistency contradicts Book 2.7: The Shadow Chronicles: Interlude Edition.”

8. The Ghost
Read it. Rated it. Left no trace.
Not even a shelf. They haunt the algorithm, silently shaping your TBR.

(No review. Just 2 stars.)

9. The One Who Thinks They are Commenting on Amazon
Still upset because the book arrived damaged. Is absolutely influencing their ability to enjoy the book.
“Book arrived bent and ripped, would give 0 stars if I could.”